Already got asked if we're dating
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
