This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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