OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
