Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
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I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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