No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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