Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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