You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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