He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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