no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
