I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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