Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
