Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
