well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
