I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
is this the sara with the beer cane?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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