Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
