rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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