Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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