Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
