I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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