Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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