My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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