Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
