i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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