I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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