You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
