omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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