Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
