What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
