I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
