What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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