Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
