but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
