3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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