clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I need water and some morals
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
