i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
