if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
