Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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