my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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