you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
