Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
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When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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