Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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