I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
