Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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