our cab driver is having phone sex.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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