Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.

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(703): View more from Virginia

All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.

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(248): View more from Michigan

It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.

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(209): View more from California

He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..

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(806): View more from Texas

Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.

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(602): View more from Arizona

I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...

(1-602): View more from Arizona

Married life problems?

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(806): View more from Texas

I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.

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