why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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