There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
FUCK WHALES
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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