The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
