I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
