Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
