This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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