just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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