sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
