just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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