So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
