I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
