:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
