I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
